Life: what is "me", now and then

1) don't ever let me cry. don't do anything that will hurt my feeling badly because you really don't want to see what happen next. i rarely, if not never, really cry. so when i cry, everything will get loose. even scary and you don't know what to do with me then.
2) sometimes i do act stupid to the fact that i don't even realize what i did. don't get angry at me. help me to get back to reality. or enjoy the moment together with me. sometimes being out of the edge is good for yourself.
3) i'm so much in love with technology. what i know is that i fall in love with tech since i bought my first pc. never interfere my close relationship with tech. you just can't. my father opened a computer shop before in bintulu.
4) i maybe look geek@need, but actually i enjoy a good dose of nightlife in kl. and you will be surprised at how good i am on the dancefloor. i'm not bluffing. read testimonials in my other blog entries. and no, i don't take ecstasy (what people in kl call it cecek, bebong)
5) i love my family although i don't really show it. i rather die for them and i hope i'm the first one to die before any of them. i just can't bear living without any of them.
6) i don't really pray (sorry) and i want to change that.
7) i bought ps2 and pc games for collection. i do play them but i don't finished them except some titles or those selections from reflexive arcade.
8) i'm one of the original member in SDV (originally s**** d***), now Satria Dewa Vista.. SDV members mean everything to me.
9) i hate most of my pictures. It's hard to select good ones when you are an average looking guy (I'm still a grateful God-creature). that's why i don't really take pictures.
10) i don't like my current life. it's ugly although it's colourful. i don't like being average. i want to be above other people. (sounds like hitler, dictatorship!) i like to be at the top, but not alone.
11) i have a love-or-hate relationship with my current career. I'm hoping to boost my performance more.
12) i'm proud to get the best student award at the peak of my student's life and i'm honest about it. it's the most unexpected miracle in my life. and delivering speech during my graduation day in front of all my fellow friends and lecturers and families, and then captured into DVDs for all graduates? Never, ever dream of that.
13) i love my relationship with my mentor, Cikgu Salasiah Maria (Mama). she gave me chances and opportunities when no one will.
14) i cannot give full attention to everything but i can figure out even the tiniest detail especially people's reactions and emotions. i may look like i know nothing but i do so don't play play with me.
15) i like my brothers and sisters to play games rather than going out without me knowing what they do outside, so i bought lots of peripherals and DVDs.
16) i enjoy watching movies and i love to have a big screen tv one day. i like criticizing them to the smallest detail so try me.
17) i like faded underwear because they look sexier than the rest. i want to try g-string and sometimes i wear boxers especially with kiddies design.
18) my personal favourite store is isetan. i worked there before and i like their mega sale. extremely affordable and good brands.
19) i'm not perfect i know. i'm just like a broken glass still looking for the other fragments of my life. i have lost myself and i want to search for the real ME.
20) i love kids stuff... pokemon, disneyland. i confess that i am childish and can be very annoying sometimes but at least i'm not fake.
21) i bought 3g phone which i don't really use the feature but i love having it anyway. however, i don't like calling or messaging. sounds weird but i love calling using ym. phone is like an emergency tool.
22) i eat a lot. especially sweet stuffs but i'm still skinny. i don't know why. i must figure out how to gain weight. a rich life perhaps?
23) i don't know how to drive and i feel sucks. i'm currently taking classes but i don't know whether i will get through it successfully or breakdown.
24) my favourite colour is green. sometimes i think i'm too bias to green but what can i do. i just can't help it.
25) i don't know how to show true emotion but i know what i hate and what i love.
26) i hate my hairstyle but i don't know how to fashion it. hopefully someone can help me with the issue i have with it.
27) don't smoke or drink in front of me. hate it. unhealthy and bad influence to me. i'm influenced easily so don't tempt me.
28) i like holding hands with anyone but i'm too shy to start it. it makes me feel safe, warm, needed and secure.
29) i like my girlfriend to know everything about me and know how to be with me. i like it when she read my blog, and can recite any sentence from it. i'll be amazed.
30) i don't really watch tv but i actually i wish i could watch more.
31) i pray when i'm extremely happy, not when i need something.
32) i'm not gay. it's hard to convince even my friends. but i have a boyfriend. i'm just being loyal to my own feeling. and i'm seeking for a girlfriend who will take me out of this misery life.
33) i'm a bookworm and being a bookworm since childhood had cost me my eyesight. i'm a bespectaled boy (no, guy. no, man) now.
34) i'm an obsessive and possessive person. i crave for more and more. i want to have the world in my hand.
35) i hate presidents of america. i hope the position will be jinxed just like dark art class teacher in harry potter. but i love to travel there. actually i want to travel around the world without worrying the bills and payments.
36) i read all the harry potter first five books in six hari raya in 2005.
37) i think i have undiagnosed illness.
38) i usually cursed with words like "babi", "sial". i don't like myself when i'm cursing or get mad. i don't want to go beyond that.
39) i don't like being used or using other people. if i don't like them, i leave them. i hope they don't feel bad about me because i did that for both parties.
40) i'm actually not a confident person. it's another thing that i want to change about it. it's funny, i admit it.
41) i got excellent grades although i'm not focusing on my study. even me myself is still amazed by it. again, i'm being honest.
42) i'm scared of ghosts although i love watching horror movies. my girlfriend have to be a strong and brave type of person.
43) my cleanliness level is low but i don't get sick easily.
44) i like the idea of giving 100% of myself to someone that i hold dearly in my heart and trust with my soul. just do anything to me, baby.
45) i'm not ego or arrogant. i'm just too shy to meet new people. hopefully you can start first.

things that make me happy:
1) playing video games without any interruption. playing games give me sense of achievement (although i know it held back myself from reality. the most basic foundation and secret recipe of a fun and good game is sense of ACHIEVEMENT. i found this after playing a lot of games and it's absolutely true and no doubt about it)
2) reading or sometimes just browsing magazines about games.
3) watching korean dramas until the last episodes.
4) watching good english drama such as desperate housewives, queer as folk, grey's anatomy, heroes, sex n the city
5) feeling comfortable on my own bed (because sometimes i don't)
6) updating blogs and other social networking sites
7) eating delicious food and at a good place
8) taking part in social activities and be the best in it

things that upset me
1) people bothering me while i'm doing the above things
2) that i don't have so much time to do all the above things
3) i dont have all the money in the world to do it


  1. reading this post actually made me feel like I'm reading about myself. very touched with this post. Its nice to have someone honest around. .and sumone who doesnt pretend to be sumone else. =) I have to say that I'm just the same with you when it comes to number 5,11,1516,18,19,20,22,27,28,31,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,42,44.
    Its true. Sangat2 betul2 sama dengan me.

  2. wow!never thought anyone to actually reading this entry from top to bottom. but, thanx! i'm flattered yes but felt shy at the same time because i originally wrote this list back in 2007. thanx!